The Strawpocalypse! Strawmageddon! It's StrawTastrophe!!!

The Final Straw by Eric Power

Well, now! My Father’s Day 2018 was quite the eventful one. Yes indeed! We took our first step onto the “Butler County Donut Trail” with Milton’s Donuts in Middletown, Ohio. I may be a tad biased, but they make probably the most exquisite tasting donuts ever. .Seriously. They’re phenomenal. Then we had some great fun at a Dave and Busters-style place called Scene75 with some video games and laser mazes. And then for lunch, we indulged in a nice guilt-ridden lecture from a California wannabe environmentalist at a local restaurant in the area. I thought they served burgers, but hey, I guess I read the menu wrong.  So here’s what happened.

The Moment Of Infamy

We found this place on Yelp and decided to give it a try. The restaurant (which shall remain nameless here for a couple of reasons) had a very high rating with a large number of reviews, so we thought this must be a great place to eat. Our server was very nice and friendly, and also very knowledgeable about the gluten-free options that my wife needs, so we were feeling pretty optimistic about our choice to come here.

After we ordered our meal, we asked him for some straws and silverware. He said sure! (Curiously, no mention from him of the soon-to-be-discussed “official restaurant policy”). He got a little busy with another table and was unable to get to it right away, which was no big deal. (We both have been restaurant workers in the past, so we know the struggle). My wife noticed a worker cleaning the table near us, so she decided to just ask her instead. The woman let us know that the restaurant policy for straws was “on demand” only, which is why we didn’t get any with our drinks. Okay, that’s cool. So my wife invoked the on-demand rule and said that she would like a straw. The worker then countered that the reason the restaurant does this is because of all of the plastic straws in the oceans that are harming the fish and other aquatic life. (Yeeeaah, we’re in Ohio, so...). Okay so, at this point, we had no major problem with anything that she said. I'm all for good stewardship of the Earth. It was at this time, when my wife said that she would STILL prefer a straw, and my daughter and I said that we would as well, that she developed a rather nasty tone in her voice. She then snapped, “well, I guess we’ll just kill all the fish then!!” We were later told that it’s just a family joke, that she didn’t mean for it to be rude. Well, we don’t know her or her sense of humor, so even if she was, I don’t know how we are possibly supposed to know that she is joking. And truly, I just can't bring myself to believe that she was joking. She was quite serious and sarcastic in her comment, once she realized that she was not going to persuade us to not get straws. She became a bully. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t like bullies. Furthermore, I also don’t like being equated to a mass murderer of aquatic life simply because I prefer to suck up my beverage through a piece of plastic. I would imagine, though I’ve never been a business owner, it’s just not good business sense to blend political hot topics with your restaurant operation. Think of any place that has tried to mix politics in with their operations and how well it has worked out for them. (Ehh, Starbucks??) Just a thought, but maybe “family jokes” of this nature should be left within the family.

So anyway, the owner came out after a few

minutes of back and forth with the woman, heard our complaint, said that it was just a joke, and that nobody else had ever been bothered by it. My wife said it was extremely rude and uncalled for; the owner said “have a nice day.” WOW. So I did my best Ace

Ventura, looked at my daughter, and stood up from the table to go. As we were leaving, a large group was coming in; we were snaking our way through to the exit when the owner said quite loudly, “I don’t know what’s the problem, we were just trying to give them straws!” Seriously?!? My guess is he was trying to save face with the new group of people that were about to eat at his place. My wife let it be known, just as loudly, that “no, you were trying NOT to give us straws!” We got into our PRIUS, (yes you read that right - we are conservatives who like our hybrid vehicle) and drove to Wayback Burgers in West Chester. They served us a yummy meal with no Progressive Fascism or environmental soapboxing. And yes...straws! One for each of us.  This will forever live on in our family as “The Father's Day Straw Debacle”.

******Side note***** 

For some historical perspective on the plastic straw hysteria, check out this fact checking article from the NY TIMES...the numbers are waaaaay inflated. Here is another article about where the majority of the worlds ocean plastic waste is originating...here's a hint -- it's not the U.S.
Is this to say that there aren't things we could do better? Of course not! We can always improve; but the methods environmentalists tend to gravitate towards do little to actually solve the problem. But I digress; this is a topic for another post. 

Lessons Learned

Now, if a restaurant wants to have a policy of “straws on demand”, that is their right. We’re okay with that! If you even want to say we don’t supply straws, period, again, it’s their business and I support their right to make that choice. It may make us think twice about going there again, but at the very least, we would have enjoyed our meal and left on good terms. But when there is a policy of “on demand” straws, why would you argue with your customers once they’ve asked for one?? Shaming your customers into your beliefs on how they should conduct their dining habits won’t get you return customers; but I suppose they won’t miss our business, since the owner was so quick to show us the door once it got a bit too "public" for his liking.

Might I offer some advice to any environmentally conscious business owners out there? If you’re that concerned about the environmental impact of straws on the waterways of the world, why not seek out an environmentally friendly straw? I did a search on Google and it took me about 90 seconds

This is just one option.  I'm sure there are others.

to find a case of 9600 “corn plastic” straws that biodegrade in about 3-4 weeks. The cost for this case was about $156.00. That breaks the cost down to about 1.6¢/straw. If they felt the need to cover this extra cost, which is considerably higher than normal plastic straws, I’ll admit, then they could raise their drink prices by a small margin, 5-10¢, and they would be covered easily, and the customer would barely notice the increase in price. You could even put a little blurb on your menu -- "This restaurant proudly uses Biodegradable straws!" So, with this option, customers get a straw so they don’t have to drink directly from a reusable plastic restaurant cup, (which is what our issue is - it may not be entirely clean.  Don't question my phobia - it doesn't have to make sense 😉), you don’t have to worry about offending anyone with politically charged motivations, and you still get to do your part in helping the environment; everyone is happy, full, and content. The business gets paid, and most importantly, the customer is more likely  to return!

When did shaming and bullying people ever work in swaying others to your side of the argument? The best example that I can think of on “my” side of politics is the abortion issue. Does it really help our argument to get in womens' faces as they're walking in to a clinic and scream that their murderers who are going to Hell? Granted, very few pro-Lifers use this tactic, but it’s the one we get branded with by the media. Seems like logical, reasoned arguments for your case would be a better way to go. Maybe even love, caring and compassion? Hey, just a thought.

Something Has Got to Change

Our world seems to be in a love drought these days; look no further than social media for ginned up outrage and the commentary that follows in the comments section of pretty much any topic these days. Whether you're talking about President Trump or the Kardashians, vitriol is spewed in voluminous amounts from every angle. You can barely discuss something as mundane as food recipes without at least one snarky, hateful comment from some dedicated internet troll these days. Everything and everyone is so polarized these days. Somehow we have GOT to come back to a place where we can have our opinions and beliefs, and still be friends.  If I want a straw, I shouldn't be looked at as a Neanderthal who deserves to die.  If you are a liberal-minded Twitter CEO who likes to eat a Chick Fil-A sandwich and tweet about it, you shouldn't be raked over the virtue signaled coals for it.  If you cross the aisle merely to say someone on the other side is a "genuine person" even if you don't agree with him politically, you shouldn't be bullied into apologizing for that. But that doesn't seem to be the case these days.

A Semi-Happy Ending

I waited a few weeks and decided to write the owner an email discussing the incident in his restaurant.  I discussed many of the points that I brought up in this blogpost and even suggested the PLA straws. I said a few other things, and wished him well. I pessimistically expected him to either not reply or to reply hatefully; thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised, and have no Bones to pick with him. I doubt we'll return, but at least we walked away with a good resolution. I will leave you with his reply.  Thanks for reading, and God Bless.

Hello Eric. Thanks for the email. I agree with everything you said. It’s something that has gotten out of hand. I’ll follow your link and buy this straws. I’ll then remove any mention of straw/no straw in my restaurants. I don’t want to raise my prices to cover anything. That’s a chicken shit way out. Everyone else is just charging too much. My beef is expensive. It’s not a cheap meal. I try to keep all my other items more reasonable. 

It’s sad that something so stupid kept you from a great burger and me from a great customer. Take care of yourself and your family. Thanks for your care of the planet. I promise you, you’re a better steward than I. I enjoy driving my bad gas mileage Jeep Wrangler. I envy your smaller footprint. It’s a good way to live. 

Again, for what’s its worth, sorry for mismanaged stupidity. Happy belated Father’s Day.